so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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