I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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