I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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