So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
