My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
