I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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