Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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