shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
