If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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