the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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