I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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