I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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