hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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