Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
