Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
