I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
