I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
