Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Randomize
