just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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