I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
