Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
