How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
