i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
