Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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