she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
