Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
