hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Im part way to drunk.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
