He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
