Moan for me like Helen Keller
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
