well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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