She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
