oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
