Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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