I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
