But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
