she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
