Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
