she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
