So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
