thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
