So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
