tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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