So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
