this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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