I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
