You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
