I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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