this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
