please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
