I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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