Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
