Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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