I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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