DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
