I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Randomize
