Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
